How to Make Peace with Loneliness

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Singleness is a journey every believer has lived or is currently experiencing. In another article, I discuss singleness as a ministry, highlighting how the lives of single believers serve as a witness to God's faithfulness, model a Christ-centered identity, and provide an opportunity to serve in this blessed ministry. It's vital for believers, single and married alike, to know that the life of a single is a ministry filled with blessings that stem beyond marriage. While singleness is a blessed ministry filled with life and joy, it is not exempt from loneliness, especially within one's own church community. Loneliness is a period of life that everyone experiences. It is a time when people experience sadness, emptiness, and disconnection based on a loss or absence of something or someone in their lives. More often than not, many church communities directly associate singleness with loneliness because of the absence of a spouse, romantic partner, or children. They often assume that every single believer's life is lonely because the church idolizes marriage. However, they've failed to realize that loneliness is an internal experience that people go through when a deeper connection is absent, ultimately resulting in isolation from the community.

When it comes to church communities, singles, and loneliness, there is a lack of communication about the origins of loneliness among singles. In the church, loneliness with singles can stem from the church's marriage-centered culture, a lack of theological teachings on singleness, cultural conditioning, and poor community connection. When the church fails to teach the value of singleness as a sacred, whole, and purposeful life, it leaves singles spiritually and emotionally underserved. While these factors contribute to the loneliness of singles in the church, what many often fail to realize is that there is healing and peace in the midst of loneliness. In fact, it is one of the best places to find God and hear His voice. As we continue to journey through being intentional about singleness, it's essential for single believers to learn how to distinguish between loneliness and singleness, recognizing that loneliness is not synonymous with the single journey. How can this be done? Let's take a look.

Acknowledge Your Loneliness

Acknowledging loneliness begins with being honest about your feelings and clearly voicing them internally and externally. It means to recognize the truth of your heart and emotions rather than masking it with the busyness of life to avoid the truth. Being intentional with singleness means acknowledging that loneliness is a part of the journey, but it does not define the journey. It means taking your feelings to God in prayer and asking Him to reveal the root cause, while providing healing and direction to alleviate it. Acknowledging one's loneliness is an essential step towards making peace with it and facing it directly with God by your side.

Differentiate Between Loneliness and Solitude

Although the two are closely related and can go hand in hand, there is a difference between loneliness and solitude. Loneliness is an internal experience where individuals experience an emotional and spiritual disconnection. These internal disconnections can often lead to external connections, which can result in mental, spiritual, and emotional isolation. On the other hand, solitude is a chosen state of being where people make an intentional decision to physically separate themselves from their surrounding communities to reconnect with God and themselves. For single believers, loneliness and solitude are blessings. In the midst of internal loneliness, single believers can find God if they intentionally, physically separate themselves from the noise of everyday life. In moments of solitude, singles can listen for God's voice and hear their lonely cries. Not only this, but in times of intentional solitude, singles can pray and meditate on God's Word to discover biblical examples of those who took time in solitude to be replenished as God allows. Singles, dedicate intentional time each week for solitude. Use it to pray, worship, or simply rest. Let your loneliness become a place where you meet God, not a sentence you have to serve.

Redefine Loneliness as an Invitation, Not a Punishment

Redefining loneliness as an invitation to healing and wholeness in Christ begins with unlearning loneliness and the stigma that is associated with it. The experience of loneliness is an invitation to become closer to God. It is His way of opening your heart to help you realize you need a closer relationship with Him. Your loneliness is not a punishment. It is a designated season in your life that serves a purpose for your life. Some ways you can redefine loneliness are to first take note of what it means to you or what you've been taught about it. Next, take note of your existing ideas and challenge them. After this, begin reframing loneliness by changing your thoughts from loneliness is a punishment to loneliness is a pursuit of God. When you stop viewing loneliness as a punishment, it transforms from emptiness to a meaningful encounter with God. You begin to see that the longing for physical connection is a reflection of your design, not a deficiency. God wired you for relationships, but He also invites you to experience His love and companionship in ways no human could ever fulfill. And He does this by inviting you to Him through times of loneliness.

Release Cultural Expectations

Many of the struggles with single believers in their church communities stem from the false narrative that marriage is the ultimate goal of Christian life. Church culture often teaches that fulfillment comes from romantic love. More often than not, this message is overemphasized through sermons, programs, and ministries. Making peace with loneliness calls for singles to release church cultural expectations and uphold biblical expectations that teach that wholeness is found in Christ. It also requires singles to release the belief that something is wrong with being single, when indeed there isn't. When you release what church culture demands and what tradition has misapplied, you make space for what God actually desires: intimacy with Him, clarity of purpose, and peace with yourself.

Build Purposeful Community

Loneliness doesn't always mean the absence of people. Sometimes, it is the absence of purposeful connections. As you continue to make intentional steps towards making peace with loneliness, you will begin to see that even in isolation, God is preparing you to build and nurture community intentionally, not accidentally. As you seek to physically fulfill your loneliness, seek purpose, not proximity. What this means is to seek out connections with others who are aligned with your single purpose, those who will pour into your spirit with love, and those who see that your single life is a ministry.

Let God Fill the Gaps People Can't

No matter how strong your community is, it cannot replace intimacy with God. When you find yourself in a place where you lack fulfillment from physical connections, let God fill those gaps that people fail to. You can do this by setting a time and place to meet Him in prayer and meditation. Spend intentional time with God and allow him to fill your heart, mind, body, and spirit in ways only God can do. Purposeful community flows from a full soul, not an empty one searching for fillers. Allow God to be your constant, even as you embrace new connections.

Making peace with loneliness is a journey that one must intentionally set their heart and mind to undertake—especially single believers. For decades, loneliness has been synonymous with singleness to the point where many single believers have come to believe that their singleness is defined by it. Finding peace in a space that has carried a negative tone is a difficult thing to do, but it can and should be done and it begins with an intentional shift in one's mindset to view loneliness as a sacred space for God to work. Singles, this journey begins and ends with you. 

It is my sincere hope and prayer that you separate your singleness from loneliness, and in those moments of loneliness, you find God. I also pray that you discover that peace doesn't come from people or partnerships; it comes from being in the presence of God. As you discover this truth, you will recognize that loneliness isn't a season of emptiness, but it is an appointed season of purposeful solitude to connect with Christ. Finding peace in loneliness is about shifting your focus from what's missing to what God is making. It's realizing that loneliness is not a life sentence but a sacred season where God restores, refines, and reveals who you are in Him. When you stop striving to fill the silence and start listening to His voice, you discover that peace isn't found in companionship but in communion. True peace comes when you embrace solitude as a place of healing, purpose, and divine connection, trusting that God's presence is enough to sustain and fulfill you right where you are.

Related Resource: Men and Loneliness

We are living in a loneliness epidemic, and it appears to be worse for men. As a guy, I get it; it can be really hard to cultivate meaningful relationships once you’re beyond college. But I want to urge you to make this a priority. We were made for community. So, reach out to someone. Chances are, they really need someone with whom they can talk. 

Author Liz Lampkin is an experienced writer, teacher, and speaker. She is an advocate for singles who encourages them to live their best life God’s way. Follow her on Instagram @Liz_Lampkin.